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To Thine Own Self Be True! – The empowerment of ME

9. Dana - Teen copy

Finding ‘myself’ has been my biggest wonder of self-discovery. Perhaps it is because I am the youngest child and was abandoned at the age of three. Some astrologers’ say that it is because of the month and year I was born.

I tend to think it has more to do with being raised in an orphanage where control and conformity was the name of the game. I believe it’s, in part, a fact of growing up in the God-fearing ‘South’…in Louisiana…where it was ingrained in my head always to be polite, never to express anger or a conflicting opinion. There, it was driven home to me, that as a ‘lady,’ I was to let the man make all the decisions and that it was my job just to support him. Whatever, the reason, I find that it has taken over 40 years to discover just who ‘I’ am!

Truly it has been and still is, my hardest lesson in life to learn to be true to myself. I have spent years upon years in the survival mode of bending to the will of others and blending into the lives of the men in my life.

Yet what I have discovered is that I am happiest when I am just ‘me.’ I am happy when I know that the life I am living is filled with animals, nature, peace and harmony. I am happy when I can pursue my career and leisure goals without reprisal or conflict with my partner. And I am happiest when I know I am being strong and true to ‘who’ I am.

This is not to say that I do not have room for compromise with my partner. I am very good at this because I enjoy ‘giving.’ I love making my loved ones happy.

And yet my discovery that it is best to be true to myself has been empowering. I find that I am finally able to make much better choices about a prospective partner and friendships. I enjoy knowing that I now have boundaries and limits to what I will, and will not do.

Of course, there are times when I truly enjoy playing the role of the little lady of the house. Yet I also revel in the excitement of being willing to risk failure to achieve my career goal. Ultimately, I find it exhilarating to live life to the fullest by just being ‘me.’

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My Family Tree – Finding Comfort and Companionship In Nature

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Yesterday, I was feeling a bit isolated and lonely. My neighbor had gone out to enjoy an event, my friends were all busy with loved ones and activities like birthday parties, wedding showers, BBQ’s. Everyone I knew had someone. Everyone had siblings, children, grandchildren, partners, uncles, aunts…family. I had nothing. I had no one.

After several hours of trying to shake this feeling off and get on with my day, I gave up, got in my car and headed for the nearby mountain top. Arriving there, I locked the car in the parking lot and walked, downcast, along the jaw dropping sheer rock cliff where an ancient trail danced among the stones and wildflowers. Trying to block out the occasional laughing couples and joking families hiking there, I pressed on…intent on finding a place of solitude to nurse my spiritual wound of loneliness.

 After about thirty minutes or so of hiking off trail, I found it. It was a rock, sitting far out on a ledge on the edge of the sheer cliff with no support underneath it. If there was an earthquake, that rock would be the first to go! The drop off was probably three quarters of a mile from rocky bottom. Perfect! I scrambled out onto the ledge and lowered myself into a sitting position on the rock with my feet dangling carelessly in the air.

 Leaning back against the sun heated stone behind me, I relaxed and began to truly enjoy the view before me. It was breathtaking…the huge towers of stone with the tall green pines to the right and left…the deep, vast semi-circle bowl before me with all that was below, and all that was to be seen on the distant horizon. My eyes were level with some drifting clouds of shining silver; and the deep blue sky beckoned me with calming allure. For some moments, I imagined myself standing and launching from my rocky perch, and with arms stretched to either side, flying outward and downward into the peaceful abyss.

 Knowing this was something I would not do, I finally re-directed my thoughts, concentrated on my breathing and focused inwardly while connecting my spirit with all around me. After meditating for about 20 minutes, I slowly brought myself back into the present. Looking around me, I realized that ‘this’ was my family. The ancient stone cliffs surrounding me was my grandfather Rock, the clouds my aunts, the tall green pine trees whispering nearby were my distant cousins, as were the ants crawling by my leg and the wildflowers blooming in the rocky crevice.

 I gave a deep sigh of contentment, arose, and began meandering back in a different direction, through the dense thick forest of pine and fir trees. The distant call of a crow was the only sound as I made my way silently along a narrow path. And yet, as I walked, I heard the other voices around me…the voice from the tree nearest to me, and the tree next to that one, and the tree at the bend in the path. With one voice they spoke. I heard them, and so I listened to what they told me.

 Smiling to myself, I realized that I did have wonderful family members to talk to, to listen to, to cry upon their shoulders or weep in their arms. I realized that I could confide my deepest, darkest secrets to them, share my happiness and sorrows without judgement. Lifting my face to the warmth of the sun, I could feel the healing presence and the warmth of my family’s’ love all around me, within me. As I passed through the beautiful forest of trees, I realized that my family was always there for me with unconditional love.

 Dropping down into a little gully, the heavy aromatic scent of the dark moist soil greeted me in the warm stillness of the spring air. Stopping, I closed my eyes and listened to the slight wind through the branches surrounding me. The soft rustle whispered in my ear and I was reminded of the past, told of the future and grounded in the present. ‘This’ was my family. I had been gone far too long, but had finally come back home.

 Opening my eyes I continued on, cresting a hill and stepped once again, back into the sunshine. There, in a beautiful panoramic meadow teaming with grass, wildflowers, insects and birds, I paused for several long minutes…savoring that beautiful feeling of togetherness that only our family and friends can bring to our lives. With one last sigh of contentment I headed back to my car…shielded and cloaked in the peaceful protective embrace of family love.

 As I drove slowly down the mountain enjoying the strength and splendor of the tall pines standing guard along the dark pavement, I realized that my family is always there for me. They are just a short walk, a drive, a glance, a conversation away. Squaring my shoulders, I pulled onto the city highway back towards town, knowing that I would continue to walk tall into my future…knowing that I was never truly alone.

cc:  danahee2014

 

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Face You Fears – Unlimited Power!

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“I can’t believe I’m about to do this!” This thought flashes through my brain as I lean forward to place tension on the thin cable attached to the jerk vest hidden beneath my baggy clothing.

I slow my breathing down. The tension mounts around me, and the acrid stench of the torches burns into my throat. I can almost feel the simulated, nighttime darkness envelope me in its shroud.

You see, I am a stunt double for an actress on a film called, ‘Soldiers;’ and we are on set.  I’m about to be shot with a flamethrower device and knocked backwards through the air, and down into a gully, as several bombs explode.

I see everyone scurrying around me, and I feel like the calm in the center of a storm. The special effects guy double checks the fire squib he has placed on my stomach. My ratchet man is talking with me about my starting mark and my arm placement. The hair lady makes a final adjustment to my hair, as the bomb ‘squad,’ adjusts the propane bombs and debris cones that are on both sides to the front of me.

My boss asks if I’m ready. I give a nod and thumbs up sign. All of a sudden everybody scatters and disappears into the darkness. All is quiet. I keep the tension on the line and close my eyes as I hear the effects team say, “The bombs are going hot!”

From my cocoon of darkness I hear the shout on the megaphone, “Cameras Rolling!” “Speed!” “And on three. One….two….THREE!”

Simultaneously I feel the blast of heat, and I am jerked backwards and up. My eyes open and I see smoke, then darkness. I feel like I am swimming in the air. I fly backwards, 10ft…. 20ft… Hmmm, I seem to be traveling further than I did in the rehearsals. I should be free falling backward to the pads by now! Then I drop. And just as the thought dawns on me that I’m going to miss the pads, I feel a mighty “THWACK” to my head, and all goes black.

Ahhh….the life of a Hollywood stuntwoman! Ok, call me crazy, but I have been perfectly happy to be flying through the air, jumping through burning windows and slamming myself into walls. Well…maybe I’ve been a little happier when there has been no pain or headache involved, but I was definitely hooked on this wild roller coaster of a career!

Of course, you may be asking yourself, “Why in the world would anyone choose such a hazardous career?”

Well, have you ever wanted something so badly that you didn’t even try to accomplish it, because you were afraid you would find you couldn’t do it? I call it a fear of failure. That was the story of my life; that is, until I learned to defeat my fears by facing up to the challenges of my mind.

I come from a background of sexual abuse, abandonment, and the ravages created by suicidal, and alcoholic parents and relatives. I had no self-confidence or self-esteem. What I did have, was a bad habit of thinking, “I can’t,” along with a petrifying fear of disappointment, anger, hurt, and humiliation. As a result, I would typically run from any challenge of the mind, body, or soul.

I was my own worst enemy when it came to succeeding with something, and I was sick of it!

So when that first call came for me to double the villainess on the film ‘Under Cover Blues’ down in Lafayette, Louisiana. I jumped at the chance. When the fear of those first few stunts started to get in the way, I pushed them ruthlessly aside and did what I had to do. Afterwards, when I realized that I had completed the stunt successfully – even though my brain had almost been paralyzed with fear – I was enveloped in a euphoric, “walking on clouds” feeling of accomplishment.

At last, I had discovered a good battleground where I could focus on conquering my fears, and I was determined to win! So off I went to Hollywood.

Leaving behind my nine to five job in accounting, the Friday night parties, and Monday night football on the couch with my man, life, I jumped into my new career, and learned to face my fears on a daily basis.

As my experience and skills expanded, the jobs kept coming….’Batman Forever,’ ‘Batman & Robin,’ ‘Demolition Man,’ ‘Lethal Weapon 4,’ ‘Charlie’s Angels,’ ‘Swordfish,’ ‘The Long Kiss Goodnight,’ ‘Independence Day,’ plus an ongoing list of television shows like ‘Star Trek Voyager,’ ‘The Pretender,’ ‘VIP,’ and the ‘X-Files.’

Never would I have dreamed of being able to do the stunts I did with helicopters, jeep chases, jet ski-boat transfers, stair falls, saddle falls, jumps from buildings-through glass-over fences, hydraulic ratchets into walls – the ground – into other people. I would have never dared to be hit by a car wearing nothing but a sundress and sandals (‘Bella Mafia’)!

As one film led to another, I was swept up into a whirlwind of movie stars, travel, money, and extraordinary adventure.

I spent weeks working with actors like Nicole Kidman, Uma Thurman, and Mel Gibson. I hung out on the set with George Clooney, Sylvester Stallone, Charlie Sheen and Gwynneth Paltrow.

The productions flew me first class around the world to exotic locations to film. I galloped a horse in the sunset along the ancient cliffs and temples of Petra, Jordan (same local as ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’). I fought in a hurricane in Wales, and then floated in a rickety boat down a mystical river in the ancient capital of Ayutthaya, Thailand (‘Mortal Kombat Annihilation’).

There were side trips for shopping in London, museums in Paris, lounging on exotic beaches. And then there was the highlight of, after a brief sojourn in Rome working with Cameron Diaz on ‘Gangs of New York,’ I landed one of the best contracts in the business with the TV series, ‘Alias.’

Although the glamour of this business has been fun, it was at times overwhelming. To keep my sanity, I have always worked to balance my perspective of what is important, and what is real. (Imagine yourself walking on a very high tight-wire with your packed suitcase in one hand, and a martini in the other, and you’ll get an idea of how difficult this can be.)

Beneath the glitz and the glamour, I have found the real counter-balance in this rocky career is the underlying magnet of satisfaction and self-accomplishment.

 After a lifetime of dealing with issues from an extremely difficult childhood, I welcomed the challenges of this career. They have helped me balance and conquer those old feelings of low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and my fear of failure. (Not that I would recommend all people suffering from childhood trauma jump from buildings or launch themselves 20 feet through the air by stepping on a seriously dangerous mechanical device called an air ram)!

And now, after over 20 years, thousands of stunts, hundreds of movies, over 2,520 days of pain (excluding the eight hospital trips and numerous doctor visits for burns, stitches, pulls, breaks, and concussions), I can honestly say that I still enjoy the challenges of my work when I get one of those calls.  I just try to pass up the car hits, and stick to ‘prat falls’ and fighting!

Sure there were times when I would long for that nine to five, football night, bruise-free life. But when I was sixty feet up on a huge 360 degree rotating shipping crane, about to start a big fight on a contraption consisting of a forklift, a motorcycle, and a car sandwiched together (Barbwire), I knew that, once again, I was conquering that debilitating fear I felt growing up.

You see I now know that the only thing worse than failing is to let fear keep you from succeeding at what you want to do. Hey, call me crazy if you want, but now, instead of running from a challenge, when I’m asked to jump, I say, “how high?”

cc:   danahee  02/2014

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The Winds Of Change

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As I walk along the mountain path a wind begins to blow

 Past me, over me, around me, through me

 I say ‘hello.’  For I know this wind.  He is my friend.  He is the ‘Wind of Change.’

 I feel blessed with His friendship, and His gift of embracing me during this time

 And I know that He is helping me

 To blow the darkness away from my spirit…this sadness, this pain

 He brings instead joy, love and happiness to a broken soul

 He restores my health and passion

 With promises of the future

 And hope in the present

 I love my friend, the ‘Wind of Change.’

 Without Him nothing lives

 With Him everything blossoms

 I am grateful

cc:  danahee  February 2014

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FINDING COURAGE WITHIN!

Dana...second from left...in the Orphanage

STARLIGHT STORY

(Age 5)

 Abandoned by our mother when I was three, my two brothers and myself were placed in an orphanage where we were raised for the next 11 years.  It was touch growing up…feeling lost, alone and unloved.

Yet eventually, my mother did finally get back in touch with us, and would occasionally write or call, with promises that she would come visit or come and take us out of there to live with her.  I remember the rare times when I would receive a letter during mail call, and I would gallop all around the dormitory, waving that letter high in the air.  And then there was the time that I actually got to talk with her on the telephone, and she said she’d be coming to get us the next day to go spend the summer with her. I was so excited, I couldn’t’ sleep all night long.

So the next morning I convinced my housemother to let me wait for her on the front steps.  Shortly after breakfast I sat down on the cold stone steps, waiting, watching, hoping.  As each car entered the long circular driveway, my heart would beat a little faster, and I would shield my eyes from the glare of the sun and try and make out who it was.  As each car left with their excited, laughing children…my heart would sink a little lower.  Finally the bell rang for lunch, and I pulled myself to my feet, and went off to the cafeteria.

“Perhaps later” I said to myself!  After lunch, my Housemother, told me that, “No one will be coming to pick you up,” and that I would remain at the home, once again during the long summer vacation.

It was late that afternoon, that I sat in the deep grass and clover on the playground, beneath a huge sweet smelling Magnolia tree.  I watched the few kids that were left, playing a game of Jump Rope.  And as I thought about that morning, the familiar pain of abandonment wrapped it’s tight hold around my heart, and a feeling of hopelessness spread through my soul.

The bell sounded for us to gather in our groups and head inside the building, so I quickly wiped my face and walked across the lawn towards the huge stone steps.   I walked up the steps with the other children, then paused for a moment before entering the doorway.  I turned around to take one last breath of the fresh sweet air before heading inside to the dark, musty smelling dormitories.

It was then that I noticed…there on the horizon in the twilight, just above the tree-line…a single star glittering brightly.  Quickly, I closed my eyes, crossed my fingers, and whispered to myself…“Starlight, star-bright, first star I see tonight.  I wish I may, I wish I might…have the wish I wish tonight.

And I made that wish…just before the hall monitor, smacked me on the backside with a ruler, and ushered me inside.  Later, in the quiet of the night, I held close to that star in my mind as the tears fell like rain down my cheeks.  Muffling my sobs in my pillow, I paused for a moment as a thought suddenly appeared in my mind.  It was three little words that I had heard in a Sunday school church sermon… “Be not afraid!”

Taking a deep breath…I thought about those three words and the light they held within, began to lend me their courage.  Quieting down…I dried my tears with the edge of the sheet, and finally fell asleep, dreaming of my wish on that star.

It was a wish that I repeated, year after year.  And it was a wish that always gave me a glimmer of hope…even in my darkest hour…for as a child, I believed in the power of wishes and stars and the three little words, “Be not afraid.”  And my wish was for love, a place to call home, and a happier tomorrow.

Hello!  “You can also visit my services as a Motivational Keynote Speaker listed on Thumbtack and get to know more about what I can do for YOU!”   

Cheers!

Dana

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Stress! And How To Combat This. II

Listen with your heart!

When you are stuck in a quandary and cannot see the forest for the trees, it is wise to let an outside source help you with your needs.

Yet as much as you may want to…you cannot listen to someone when your mind is on overload and your heart is on empty.

So when you truly want to make a change that is beyond your ability, or even beyond your comprehension….

What do YOU think you need to do?

All you need to do is focus on what you CAN control, and let another help you with what you cannot.

The truth is simple you see. And it will set you free.

For an outside thought, a helpful hand or the clear insight into your soul can once again make your heart whole.

So take the advice of a friend, take that hand or the advice from your soul. Then listen and act. And once again, you will feel the freedom and joy your negative thoughts stole.

Now…how to act you ask? When you seem frozen in time? That is soon to come as I transcribe to paper my experiences on same and the certain knowledge of this in my mind.

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Stress! And how to combat this!

JUST BE!

When things get difficult and times get tough. Time stands still and we don’t communicate enough.

We often stick our heads in the sand…hoping that others will understand.

All the while, we stress and ponder…what can pull us up from these dark depths of mind and soul?

When the simple answer, all the while, is waiting there in our mind…to make us whole.

The answer is simple you see. For it is simply, ‘to be.’

Not to stress or ponder.

Not to give up or wander.

The answer to freedom and joy of the soul is a simple step away for us to behold.

Don’t waste your precious days on this earth, stressing about what you are or are not worth.

Never squander your limited time in search of the new or bold in an effort to release your soul.

Simply take this truth and to your heart hold….

That to free your mind and soul from the dark depths of despair?

You must first understand the simplicity of nature…that of the birds that fly in the sky, the plants that breathe, and the horse in the snow that prances.

You see? The simple truth to erasing the depths of despair?

Is that all you need to do is walk on air.

Yes, this can at first seem impossible. Yet the reality has been…many times through time and history…proven possible.

These things that bind your mind and constrict your soul…these dark circumstances and thought that harass your being?

They are absolutely nothing if you give them no meaning!

The power of your mind you see….is the simple gift to set yourself free.

For the power of the mind gives you the choice you often do not see. But in choosing this gift, you can learn how to ‘just be.’

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‘When POWER is a hindrance and not a help!

I have sometimes found that my ‘exuberance’ of life is sometimes mistaken as ‘ego,’ ‘Hollywood,’ or ‘falseness.’ What a shame. When the reality is that of a child of hopelessness finally finding the joy in living.

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“Dana’s Near-Suicide Story”

Light or Darkness. Which should you choose when all is lost?

When you fall to the earth and darkness closes in.  When the light of hope begins to dim.  Hold tight to your beliefs.  And one day, you will soar again.


 

 

It was warm that evening.  It was just about midnight.  Seething with self-disgust and emotional turmoil, I sat on the edge of my bed and rocked back and forth in silent agony.  As the minutes ticked by, my distress increased, almost to the point of hysteria.  I just couldn’t ‘take it’ anymore!  With a heart-wrenching sob, I suddenly sprang to my feet, grabbed my car keys and ran down the stairs to get my car.  Pealing out of the driveway, I raced off towards the nearby mountain highway.

With tears streaming down my face and my throat tight with constriction, I forced the accelerator down further and the car slid screeching around the mountain turn in the ‘inky’ blackness of the night.  With my face rigid with anger and self-loathing, I braced my hands on the wheel as I fish-tailed out of the curve and head down the last straight-a-way, and towards the death-defying hair-pin turn 500 yards ahead of me. I cleared the last stand of tall pine trees and raced into the night sky.

It was then that I was suddenly hit with the most beautiful, panoramic view of twinkling stars on the beckoning horizon.  Still on ‘auto-pilot,’ I punched the accelerator all the way to the floor.  Suddenly, my brain flashed back to childhood and to the many nights I gazed in hope at the stars in the night sky. One image from the past, stormed into my mind with the impact of thunder.  It was the evening when I saw that single star.  The evening when I made a wish.  I was only six years old.  But that simple wish gave me the hope and courage to walk into the following years with a tiny spark of hope.

“What happened to me!” I shouted in rage.  “I don’t believe!”  “I don’t believe!”  “I….”  My thoughts and speech were suddenly blocked by a single booming phrase that thundered through my mind, “Be not afraid!”  My mind cleared.  One thousand one, one thousand two…I switched my foot over to slam on the brake.  As the tires screeched eerily on the dark pavement, my car slid at frightening speed, straight toward the flashing yellow guard rail.  It was a flimsy barrier overlooking a vertical drop off of thousands of feet of solid rock.  “Too late,” I hissed to myself…

That one moment in time, changed my life forever.

Santa Clara Cherry Queen Promo Visit in Japan

 

 

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Fighting Fear With Courage! A Stuntwoman’s perspective on performing death defying stunts!


Sometimes it’s important to remind yourself where you started out in life…and where you are now. I was looking through some old stories that I wrote for magazines and such…and came across one from back when I first started out in Hollywood. My words from years ago help to re-generate my soul from time to time. Perhaps you can find your own cool stories to remember!

A Brave New World
“I still recall that day on the set of the Natassja Kinski film, “Bella Mafia,” as if it were yesterday.
It was the day I did my first car hit in my career as a Hollywood Stuntwoman. I remember standing on the paved road in my yellow sundress and strap sandals with the sun warming my back, and glinting off the metallic silver bumper of the car rapidly closing in on me.

It approached much faster than what I had envisioned it would. There was a moment of extreme panic and fear, and I felt like bolting from its path. Then, the fear was replaced by the sudden rush of adrenaline that surged like a locomotive through my body. Steeling myself to focus on what had to happen next, I bent my knees in anticipation of the slight thrust upwards I would make on contact.

As the bumper caught me and lifted me into the air, the ‘whack’ of my body slamming against the hood resonated in my ears for a moment before being swallowed by an intense silence, as I was spit up and over the top of the car. There was a surprising and disorienting sense of peace as I spun through the air, catching glimpses of blue, then brown…before landing with a resounding thud on the side of the road.”
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You know, you’ve really have to wonder about the Mario Andretti’s of this world! And, likewise, all of the skydiving, bull riding, bungee jumping extreme-adrenaline freaks!! Why do they do what they do? Why would anyone purposely put themselves in harms way? I wonder if it’s for the same reason I’ve been doing just that for the last sixteen years.

From competing in full-contact fighting in the Olympic Games, to performing dangerous and debilitating stunts for Hollywood films, I’ve evan had moments where I’ve thought that I must be insane.

What compels me to place myself in front of an oncoming car, or allow someone to jerk me thirty feet through the air and slam me into the nose of an airplane?

Hmmm….perhaps it’s because I’ve wanted to forget about the painful scars of my childhood…the years of life in an orphanage, with alcoholic, suicidal, abusive family members, on the streets, in halfway houses, a government shelter, and a foster home.

Maybe it’s been an effort to strip myself of my negative self-image, and cloak myself in the resulting praise and admiration of my peers. What I do know, without a doubt, is that I have been driven by the need to face my fears head on.

I guess if I had come into the world feet first, I wouldn’t have felt so compelled to challenge my fate, as I would’ve been able to hit the ground running.

As it was, my rocky start in life did nothing to ensure that I would be able to hold my head high in society. Indeed, I was handicapped with a huge lack of self-esteem and confidence.

Luckily for me though, I was too hardheaded to accept defeat with humility and grace. So after years of struggling against the force of the whirlpool trying to pull me down, I forced my head up out of the water, and struck out swimming.

You know, it’s amazing what one can accomplish with a spark of hope and a lot of determination.

When I finally took hold of my life I was actually able to make my dreams of Olympics, Hollywood, and life come true.

I guess it’s a tribute to the strength and courage of mankind that someone like myself was able to rise from the ashes, and hover in the clouds. Then again, maybe it has nothing to do with strength or courage.

Personally, I feel my successes in life have much more to do with fear…fear that I’m not good enough, fear of pain and humiliation, fear of the unknown, and most of all, fear of failure.

For me, it was fortunate that I finally recognized that, ‘that’ was what was holding me back in life. It is equally fortunate that I felt a burning need to change that. The fact that I chose to face and conquer my fears is commendable. The fact that I chose to face fear with more fear, is nuts! Or is it?

From stair falls, to car hits, that sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that I get when I face fear, and pull off a death-defying stunt makes me feel good about myself.

It reinforces the fact that it is possible to put my fears aside, if only for a time, and accomplish what I set out to do.

It’s a very empowering feeling! And it’s a recipe for success I’ve used many times now.

I wonder…. perhaps that is what drives the Mario Andretti’s of this world, this fear factor, and the need to face it…perhaps not.

All I know, is that when the paramedics are rushing me to the hospital after yet another near-death encounter, and are shaking their heads saying, “Why in the world would anyone do such crazy work!” I smile to myself, because I know the answer to that question.

Call me crazy if you want, but I have learned to fight fear, with fear. Instead of cowing away from the challenges and trials of life, I meet them head on, or upside down, or in front of a car. I now know that the only thing worse than failure is being too afraid to even try. Now, when someone asks me to jump, I say, “how high?”

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