Archive for identity crises

Destiny Is A Choice!

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We live, We Love, We Win, We Loose

Our destiny given, yet our fate to choose.

Who are we that can choose, you may say

Our path is given, we dare not stray!

Yet it is there within our heart, we know the truth

Our life is ours that only WE can prove.

Do not doubt, our destiny is clear

Only also know this, no matter what may seem

So much MORE is ours to redeem.

So rise, I say and claim your bounty.  

Choose your fate, over your seeming destiny.

The power you see, is up to you.

Do know that destiny can deceive.

And choose your life with the simplicity

That it truly is up to me.

We live, we love, we win, we lose

Our destiny given, our fate to choose.

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cc: dhee July 2014

 

 

 

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A Bridge To Cross – A Future To Build

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There comes a point in everyone’s life that we need to cross a bridge.  For me, that time is now.

The past is over and done.  The future is yet to be seen.  All I have is right now…and I, for one want to make the most of each and every moment.

Therefore, I will close this heavy book I have been holding in my hand, and I will begin writing a new one with every step I take.  I will put one foot in front of the other leaving the old and familiar, as I cross that bridge into the future.

I do not know what is on the other side of this bridge.  Yet whatever it is, I will embrace it with all of my heart and soul.

Yes.  I do not know where I am going.  Yet I do know I will get there.  With God’s grace, it will be a wonderful place.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

cc:  danahee  February 19 2014

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As The Snow Falls

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Standing outside just now, I watch my beautiful turkeys as they eat the corn and ‘coo’ among themselves

The silence of the falling snow drowns out the cries of my soul.  It’s sleek white blanket slowly covers the tears in my heart

Crystal cold air quiets my mind…if only for a moment or two

What peace it must be, to never feel the beauty of the snow.  Yet so sad this emptiness within

‘Good-by’ echoes in the frozen stillness of this winter wonderland

As I turn away,  I pray I pray that peace will prevail

Truly?  Is it better to go to sleep on an empty stomach?

Perhaps so.  Perhaps not.

cc:  dhee 02/2014

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FINDING COURAGE WITHIN!

Dana...second from left...in the Orphanage

STARLIGHT STORY

(Age 5)

 Abandoned by our mother when I was three, my two brothers and myself were placed in an orphanage where we were raised for the next 11 years.  It was touch growing up…feeling lost, alone and unloved.

Yet eventually, my mother did finally get back in touch with us, and would occasionally write or call, with promises that she would come visit or come and take us out of there to live with her.  I remember the rare times when I would receive a letter during mail call, and I would gallop all around the dormitory, waving that letter high in the air.  And then there was the time that I actually got to talk with her on the telephone, and she said she’d be coming to get us the next day to go spend the summer with her. I was so excited, I couldn’t’ sleep all night long.

So the next morning I convinced my housemother to let me wait for her on the front steps.  Shortly after breakfast I sat down on the cold stone steps, waiting, watching, hoping.  As each car entered the long circular driveway, my heart would beat a little faster, and I would shield my eyes from the glare of the sun and try and make out who it was.  As each car left with their excited, laughing children…my heart would sink a little lower.  Finally the bell rang for lunch, and I pulled myself to my feet, and went off to the cafeteria.

“Perhaps later” I said to myself!  After lunch, my Housemother, told me that, “No one will be coming to pick you up,” and that I would remain at the home, once again during the long summer vacation.

It was late that afternoon, that I sat in the deep grass and clover on the playground, beneath a huge sweet smelling Magnolia tree.  I watched the few kids that were left, playing a game of Jump Rope.  And as I thought about that morning, the familiar pain of abandonment wrapped it’s tight hold around my heart, and a feeling of hopelessness spread through my soul.

The bell sounded for us to gather in our groups and head inside the building, so I quickly wiped my face and walked across the lawn towards the huge stone steps.   I walked up the steps with the other children, then paused for a moment before entering the doorway.  I turned around to take one last breath of the fresh sweet air before heading inside to the dark, musty smelling dormitories.

It was then that I noticed…there on the horizon in the twilight, just above the tree-line…a single star glittering brightly.  Quickly, I closed my eyes, crossed my fingers, and whispered to myself…“Starlight, star-bright, first star I see tonight.  I wish I may, I wish I might…have the wish I wish tonight.

And I made that wish…just before the hall monitor, smacked me on the backside with a ruler, and ushered me inside.  Later, in the quiet of the night, I held close to that star in my mind as the tears fell like rain down my cheeks.  Muffling my sobs in my pillow, I paused for a moment as a thought suddenly appeared in my mind.  It was three little words that I had heard in a Sunday school church sermon… “Be not afraid!”

Taking a deep breath…I thought about those three words and the light they held within, began to lend me their courage.  Quieting down…I dried my tears with the edge of the sheet, and finally fell asleep, dreaming of my wish on that star.

It was a wish that I repeated, year after year.  And it was a wish that always gave me a glimmer of hope…even in my darkest hour…for as a child, I believed in the power of wishes and stars and the three little words, “Be not afraid.”  And my wish was for love, a place to call home, and a happier tomorrow.

Hello!  “You can also visit my services as a Motivational Keynote Speaker listed on Thumbtack and get to know more about what I can do for YOU!”   

Cheers!

Dana

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Stress! And How To Combat This. II

Listen with your heart!

When you are stuck in a quandary and cannot see the forest for the trees, it is wise to let an outside source help you with your needs.

Yet as much as you may want to…you cannot listen to someone when your mind is on overload and your heart is on empty.

So when you truly want to make a change that is beyond your ability, or even beyond your comprehension….

What do YOU think you need to do?

All you need to do is focus on what you CAN control, and let another help you with what you cannot.

The truth is simple you see. And it will set you free.

For an outside thought, a helpful hand or the clear insight into your soul can once again make your heart whole.

So take the advice of a friend, take that hand or the advice from your soul. Then listen and act. And once again, you will feel the freedom and joy your negative thoughts stole.

Now…how to act you ask? When you seem frozen in time? That is soon to come as I transcribe to paper my experiences on same and the certain knowledge of this in my mind.

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Stress! And how to combat this!

JUST BE!

When things get difficult and times get tough. Time stands still and we don’t communicate enough.

We often stick our heads in the sand…hoping that others will understand.

All the while, we stress and ponder…what can pull us up from these dark depths of mind and soul?

When the simple answer, all the while, is waiting there in our mind…to make us whole.

The answer is simple you see. For it is simply, ‘to be.’

Not to stress or ponder.

Not to give up or wander.

The answer to freedom and joy of the soul is a simple step away for us to behold.

Don’t waste your precious days on this earth, stressing about what you are or are not worth.

Never squander your limited time in search of the new or bold in an effort to release your soul.

Simply take this truth and to your heart hold….

That to free your mind and soul from the dark depths of despair?

You must first understand the simplicity of nature…that of the birds that fly in the sky, the plants that breathe, and the horse in the snow that prances.

You see? The simple truth to erasing the depths of despair?

Is that all you need to do is walk on air.

Yes, this can at first seem impossible. Yet the reality has been…many times through time and history…proven possible.

These things that bind your mind and constrict your soul…these dark circumstances and thought that harass your being?

They are absolutely nothing if you give them no meaning!

The power of your mind you see….is the simple gift to set yourself free.

For the power of the mind gives you the choice you often do not see. But in choosing this gift, you can learn how to ‘just be.’

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‘When POWER is a hindrance and not a help!

I have sometimes found that my ‘exuberance’ of life is sometimes mistaken as ‘ego,’ ‘Hollywood,’ or ‘falseness.’ What a shame. When the reality is that of a child of hopelessness finally finding the joy in living.

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“Dana’s Near-Suicide Story”

Light or Darkness. Which should you choose when all is lost?

When you fall to the earth and darkness closes in.  When the light of hope begins to dim.  Hold tight to your beliefs.  And one day, you will soar again.


 

 

It was warm that evening.  It was just about midnight.  Seething with self-disgust and emotional turmoil, I sat on the edge of my bed and rocked back and forth in silent agony.  As the minutes ticked by, my distress increased, almost to the point of hysteria.  I just couldn’t ‘take it’ anymore!  With a heart-wrenching sob, I suddenly sprang to my feet, grabbed my car keys and ran down the stairs to get my car.  Pealing out of the driveway, I raced off towards the nearby mountain highway.

With tears streaming down my face and my throat tight with constriction, I forced the accelerator down further and the car slid screeching around the mountain turn in the ‘inky’ blackness of the night.  With my face rigid with anger and self-loathing, I braced my hands on the wheel as I fish-tailed out of the curve and head down the last straight-a-way, and towards the death-defying hair-pin turn 500 yards ahead of me. I cleared the last stand of tall pine trees and raced into the night sky.

It was then that I was suddenly hit with the most beautiful, panoramic view of twinkling stars on the beckoning horizon.  Still on ‘auto-pilot,’ I punched the accelerator all the way to the floor.  Suddenly, my brain flashed back to childhood and to the many nights I gazed in hope at the stars in the night sky. One image from the past, stormed into my mind with the impact of thunder.  It was the evening when I saw that single star.  The evening when I made a wish.  I was only six years old.  But that simple wish gave me the hope and courage to walk into the following years with a tiny spark of hope.

“What happened to me!” I shouted in rage.  “I don’t believe!”  “I don’t believe!”  “I….”  My thoughts and speech were suddenly blocked by a single booming phrase that thundered through my mind, “Be not afraid!”  My mind cleared.  One thousand one, one thousand two…I switched my foot over to slam on the brake.  As the tires screeched eerily on the dark pavement, my car slid at frightening speed, straight toward the flashing yellow guard rail.  It was a flimsy barrier overlooking a vertical drop off of thousands of feet of solid rock.  “Too late,” I hissed to myself…

That one moment in time, changed my life forever.

Santa Clara Cherry Queen Promo Visit in Japan

 

 

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Fighting Fear With Courage! A Stuntwoman’s perspective on performing death defying stunts!


Sometimes it’s important to remind yourself where you started out in life…and where you are now. I was looking through some old stories that I wrote for magazines and such…and came across one from back when I first started out in Hollywood. My words from years ago help to re-generate my soul from time to time. Perhaps you can find your own cool stories to remember!

A Brave New World
“I still recall that day on the set of the Natassja Kinski film, “Bella Mafia,” as if it were yesterday.
It was the day I did my first car hit in my career as a Hollywood Stuntwoman. I remember standing on the paved road in my yellow sundress and strap sandals with the sun warming my back, and glinting off the metallic silver bumper of the car rapidly closing in on me.

It approached much faster than what I had envisioned it would. There was a moment of extreme panic and fear, and I felt like bolting from its path. Then, the fear was replaced by the sudden rush of adrenaline that surged like a locomotive through my body. Steeling myself to focus on what had to happen next, I bent my knees in anticipation of the slight thrust upwards I would make on contact.

As the bumper caught me and lifted me into the air, the ‘whack’ of my body slamming against the hood resonated in my ears for a moment before being swallowed by an intense silence, as I was spit up and over the top of the car. There was a surprising and disorienting sense of peace as I spun through the air, catching glimpses of blue, then brown…before landing with a resounding thud on the side of the road.”
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You know, you’ve really have to wonder about the Mario Andretti’s of this world! And, likewise, all of the skydiving, bull riding, bungee jumping extreme-adrenaline freaks!! Why do they do what they do? Why would anyone purposely put themselves in harms way? I wonder if it’s for the same reason I’ve been doing just that for the last sixteen years.

From competing in full-contact fighting in the Olympic Games, to performing dangerous and debilitating stunts for Hollywood films, I’ve evan had moments where I’ve thought that I must be insane.

What compels me to place myself in front of an oncoming car, or allow someone to jerk me thirty feet through the air and slam me into the nose of an airplane?

Hmmm….perhaps it’s because I’ve wanted to forget about the painful scars of my childhood…the years of life in an orphanage, with alcoholic, suicidal, abusive family members, on the streets, in halfway houses, a government shelter, and a foster home.

Maybe it’s been an effort to strip myself of my negative self-image, and cloak myself in the resulting praise and admiration of my peers. What I do know, without a doubt, is that I have been driven by the need to face my fears head on.

I guess if I had come into the world feet first, I wouldn’t have felt so compelled to challenge my fate, as I would’ve been able to hit the ground running.

As it was, my rocky start in life did nothing to ensure that I would be able to hold my head high in society. Indeed, I was handicapped with a huge lack of self-esteem and confidence.

Luckily for me though, I was too hardheaded to accept defeat with humility and grace. So after years of struggling against the force of the whirlpool trying to pull me down, I forced my head up out of the water, and struck out swimming.

You know, it’s amazing what one can accomplish with a spark of hope and a lot of determination.

When I finally took hold of my life I was actually able to make my dreams of Olympics, Hollywood, and life come true.

I guess it’s a tribute to the strength and courage of mankind that someone like myself was able to rise from the ashes, and hover in the clouds. Then again, maybe it has nothing to do with strength or courage.

Personally, I feel my successes in life have much more to do with fear…fear that I’m not good enough, fear of pain and humiliation, fear of the unknown, and most of all, fear of failure.

For me, it was fortunate that I finally recognized that, ‘that’ was what was holding me back in life. It is equally fortunate that I felt a burning need to change that. The fact that I chose to face and conquer my fears is commendable. The fact that I chose to face fear with more fear, is nuts! Or is it?

From stair falls, to car hits, that sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that I get when I face fear, and pull off a death-defying stunt makes me feel good about myself.

It reinforces the fact that it is possible to put my fears aside, if only for a time, and accomplish what I set out to do.

It’s a very empowering feeling! And it’s a recipe for success I’ve used many times now.

I wonder…. perhaps that is what drives the Mario Andretti’s of this world, this fear factor, and the need to face it…perhaps not.

All I know, is that when the paramedics are rushing me to the hospital after yet another near-death encounter, and are shaking their heads saying, “Why in the world would anyone do such crazy work!” I smile to myself, because I know the answer to that question.

Call me crazy if you want, but I have learned to fight fear, with fear. Instead of cowing away from the challenges and trials of life, I meet them head on, or upside down, or in front of a car. I now know that the only thing worse than failure is being too afraid to even try. Now, when someone asks me to jump, I say, “how high?”

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IDENTITY CRISIS? Have you lost your company, your prestigious job, your ‘position’ in life? Are you feeling lost without that TITLE?


Dana Hee on IDENTITY CRISES…

* Have you lost your company, your prestigious job, your ‘position’ in life?

* Are you feeling powerless without that ‘identification?’

* Please know, that ‘perceived’ power comes from a title. Your true power comes from within!

Imagine this? You perceive yourself to ‘be’ an ‘Olympian.’ You know yourself as an ‘Olympic Gold Medalist.

Then, you discover, that what you have believed is no longer possibly true! What do you do about that sense of LOSS?

Here’s a blogger note I wrote on my website in 2008!
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Thursday, June 26, 2008

Once an Olympian, Always an Olympian, Never Former…Never Past!
This is what was ingrained in my head when competing for the Olympics and there-after.

Is a ‘Demonstration Sport’ athlete at the Olympic Games REALLY an Olympian?

THIS….is the question. Kind of like…’to be’..or ‘NOT to be’….eh? As a gold medalist at the 1988 Olympic Games in the demonstration sport of Taekwondo…this is a question that affects myself, my team mates, and many others. It has been a very confusing issue at times….so perhaps you can give me YOUR opinion.

I discovered some time after competing in the 24th Olympic Games in Seoul, Korea, that according to the IOC (International Olympic Committee), ‘demonstration sport’ athletes were not fully recognized as ‘Olympians.’

According to the USOC (United States Olympic Committee), we ‘used’ to be considered Olympians (at the time I competed…in 1988). At the WOA General Assembly in 2003, WOA, the World Olympians Association revised its constitution and defined an Olympian as “an athlete accredited by an OCOG to compete in a full medal sport on the program at the Olympic Games. And now….according to recent correspondence with USOC president, one of my hero’s, Willie Banks….

“Dana, Thank you for your email. Congratulations on your medal in the Seoul Olympic Games. I have been following a discussion on the definition of Olympian and I just discovered that the USOC Athletes Advisory Commission decided to endorse the definition of the World Olympians Association. THe only question that arises is whether any definition not accepted by the IOC is not really official. Therefore, the question is still very much open and debatable. As far as the US Olympians are concerned you will be treated as an Olympian within our organization until an official decision is made by the IOC and ratified by the US Olympians. Willie

Frankly, I find all of this quite fascinating, since I believe that there is no question, that…in my mind, I am an ‘Olympian.’ It is was I dreamed of…it is what I struggled so hard for…it is what I achieved…it is something that I will always encourage others to strive for and support…and it is what I will always feel that I am.

The fact is, I qualified for what everyone called, ‘the Olympic Team’ in my sport of Taekwondo. Our U.S. Team trained at the Olympic Training Center gearing up for the Olympics. Myself and my team mates attended all Olympic ceremonies (opening/closing/send-off/U.S. Presidential White House, etc. with NO differentiation between ‘us’ and other ‘full-medal’ athletes).

We received all materials identifying ourselves as ‘U.S. Olympic Team’ members (even the most important items…such as underwear and socks! ha, ha).’ Myself and others were awarded our medals that commemorates us as an Olympic winner in a demonstration sport at the Olympic Games…complete with Olympic rings.

We received credit on television, magazines, and newspapers with the title of ‘Olympic medalist in a demonstration sport.’ And then, after the Games, I attended the International Olympic Academy as a delegate/representative from the United States with three other full-medal sport athletes.

In fact, I don’t believe I, or my team mates have done anything differently than any other full-medal athletes….even the athletes now competing in the full-medal sport of Taekwondo. So how is it then, that there are some out there that say that myself and others in my position cannot be called ‘Olympians’…..or may not be called ‘Olympians’ in the future?

Hmmm…… Don’t you just love these complicated, yet meaningless issues that crowd our minds when we are trying to sleep at night? Isn’t it amazing how the human mind wants to find that little ‘Achilles Heel’ to rein in our sense of pride and accomplishment? Especially, when the truth of the matter is that, it doesn’t really matter if anyone calls me an Olympian.

When I remember how much I struggled and fought to change my life and make my dream come true…when I remember the agony and tears…the little triumphs, and then the setbacks.

When I remember standing on that Olympic podium with my stomach in my throat and a huge smile on my face, and my fist raised in the air for that one moment in time….when I think back to that sense of overwhelming pride in seeing my country’s national flag raising to the beautiful sound of our national anthem…I know that only one thing matters….I am a champion….not just in sports…but more importantly, I am a champion in life.
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You see…I have finally realized, that it doesn’t matter if I am called an ‘Olympian,’ or an ‘Olympic Gold Medalist!’

What matters, is that I remember that a ‘title’ does not make me someone special! A title does not define me.

Who I am, what I have overcome, what I set out to achieve, what I accomplish, and how I use that to help others is what the real game of life is all about. ‘That’ is my true definition.

I am simply a woman who has come a long way, and still has a long ways to go. I am simply a woman who knows the meaning of hope, courage, and perseverance. And title or no, I will do what I can to help others maintain hope and courage and learn perseverance!

I know who I am. My name is Dana Hee.

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